Why Slumber Parties as an Adult are So Healing

Guest post by Jacklyn Walters

Remember those late nights spent under a pillow fort?

Making friendship bracelets and boondoggle, braiding hair and talking about who liked who. When the highest stakes of your life laid in a round of truth or dare. When giggles had to be hushed and staying up past midnight felt like entering a new dimension.

Today we’re talking slumber parties.

My friend Autumn, I kid you not, has never been to a slumber party.

Learning this broke my heart. When she told me, I immediately started planning the ultimate slumber party.

I have big dreams of flying all my friends to my apartment. Playing Candy Land. Watching Disney princess movies. I’m still torn between ordering-pizza-and-baking-cookies or making-a-charcuterie-board-and-buying-macarons. Maybe we’ll do both. You heard it here first, we really can have it all!

The sad truth is, I’ve been planning for over a year with no set date in sight. It’s so hard to carve out the time and align schedules and convince my boyfriend to go stay in an AirBNB so I can have the house just for me and the girls.

Aside from inducting Autumn into the slumber party hall of fame, the real reason I want to host a slumber party is because they’re so healing. The closeness created during an all-night hangout cannot be matched. Secrets shared and hearts poured out and grievances aired and friendships reborn.

Here’s our professional opinion on why you should attend a slumber party as an adult, and our inside tip to making it happen.

Secrets Shared

Seeing your friends as an adult requires so much coordination.

You have work or your friends have kids or you live in different states or countries. You have to schedule time to see them instead of just stopping by. Then, after spending months picking the perfect time and place, you see them for a two-hour coffee date and go your separate ways.

It’s beautiful to live a life you’ve created for yourself. But it’s also a real pain if that life doesn’t involve your bestie living right next door.

I say, to hell with the 2-hour hangout.

Bringing back slumber parties in adulthood means bringing back the nights that feel like they never end. It means having actual time to spend with your actual friends. It means finally having space to spill your latest secrets.

Sure, you can gossip over FaceTime. But nothing beats sitting across from your bestie and seeing their physical reaction in real time. It’s the subtle gasp you can’t hear in your headphones. It’s the arm grab when you reach the really juicy bits of the story. It’s saying the same thing at the same time—without the audio lagging—because they just get it.

People say “secrets don’t make friends.” Personally, I’ve always been of the mindset that friends make secrets.

And, actually, secrets do make friends.

A UC Santa Barbara study found that “sharing and receiving more personal secrets were robustly associated with higher closeness.” Another study by researchers in Switzerland found that “sharing secrets changes social distance and increases closeness,” especially when those secrets are positive (rather than negative gossip or slander).

Slumber parties create an environment where it’s safe to share. Be it secrets, silly stories, or your grandma’s favorite recipes, sharing truly is caring. It brings us closer and makes us feel seen.

Hearts Poured Out

Slumber parties remind us of the important lesson Natasha Beddingfield worked so hard to implant in our brains.

“Release your inhibitions.”

I think, as women, we often feel like we need to hide our softness and silliness to be taken seriously. There’s so much pressure on what it means to be a woman or a woman in the workplace or a mom or any number of titles and accomplishments women hold. But when you’re in a room of other women, those rules don’t exist anymore.

In fact, there are no rules.

At your very own grown-up slumber party, there’s no one to tell you when to go to bed or what to eat for dinner or that you can’t have that iced coffee at 10 p.m. No one’s going to say “Jacklyn, stop singing showtunes karaoke,” or “Jacklyn, are we really going to watch the ‘Barbie’ movie for the tenth time this year?”

Yes. We are. And we’re going to love it and we’re all going to say “me” when they show Depression Barbie and we’re all going to cry during America Ferrara’s monologue.

There’s no judgment. Which means there’s no reason to hold yourself back from joy.

And now that you’ve shared all the hot goss about your life and your coworkers, you’ve primed the space for something real: vulnerability.

If your Instagram feed looks anything like mine, first of all, I’m so sorry. But you’ve probably seen endless platitudes and quotes from Brené Brown. That’s because Dr. Brené Brown has been researching connection and vulnerability since before most people reading this were born.

Her 20 years of research have dug up some simple truths that Type-A girlies like me hate—but desperately need—to hear. Things like:

“Connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”

And connection requires what Brown describes as “excruciating vulnerability: In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.”

Finally, and most devastatingly, “vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness. But it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”

When we are truly, fully vulnerable, we unlock deeper understandings of ourselves and deeper connections with others. We’re happier. We’re more creative. And we’re better for it.

All of this is why slumber parties are important. Because the happiest people in Dr. Brown’s decades of research were vulnerable. “They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were.”

Having a space to let go of the persona you have to carry around at work and your in-laws’ house and the grocery store isn’t just a nice way to spend the weekend. It’s a relief.

There are so few spaces where we can be truly, fully vulnerable. Slumber parties are that space.

Grievances Aired

I’ll make this one quick. Because now that we’ve all taken our masks off, we can get real about the things that have been bothering us.

This is the time to have hard conversations. Whether it’s disclosing your unhappiness in your relationship, revisiting childhood trauma, or having hard conversations with friends.

You’ve bonded. You’re here together in a judgment-free zone. Dig deep, girl.

Stop holding on to transgressions past. Say what needs to be said. Let go of the rest.

Friendships Reborn

Let’s be honest, after all of that you’re either leaving with unbreakable bonds or some real enemies.

Slumber parties act as a hard reset on each of our friendships. They’re a moment for us to remember why we became friends in the first place. Because friendship is deeper than occasional phone calls and even-less-frequent coffee dates. It’s laughing and dancing and watching movies and making fools of ourselves together.

The connections formed at slumber parties transcend distance and time. These are forever friendships. Bonds forged in friendship bracelets.

This is why slumber parties are more than a rite of passage of girlhood. They’re proof that laughter is magic, and magic is real.

Forest & Fawn started as a way to bring that magic back into everyday life.

It’s the reason we curl up with a fantasy book after work, and why we keep reading until we can barely keep our eyes open. It’s that briefest glimpse into a magical realm that reminds us that we’re surrounded by magic every day.

The magic of nature. The magic of womanhood. The magic of friendship.

Corny, I know. But it’s true. And it’s why F&F started hosting fantasy reading retreats—so the whimsical girlies could find each other. So we could finally have a reason to go to the ultimate slumber party.

Whether you decide to join us on a retreat or to host your own stay-in weekend with friends, we truly hope you make time for a slumber party this summer. We promise you’ll be better for it.

Guest post by Jacklyn Walters

Jacklyn Walters spends more time in the imaginary than the real world, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Like Belle, Jacklyn prefers to live “with a dreamy far-off look, and her nose stuck in a book.” She has always found escape in reading. Ironic, since the books she read as a teen were primarily dystopian novels. But they lit up something in her. They showed her that being a strong-willed woman doesn’t mean you’re difficult, it means you’re going to save the world.

Now her passions lie in creating and making sure others can tell their stories, too.

When she isn’t working on marketing campaigns, Jacklyn can be found exploring local parks, planning grand adventures, laughing with friends, and, of course, reading.